Hello sweet friends! I'm so happy to be getting back into a routine on here again. It's my favorite place to be and I really miss it when I get too busy to put a post up. Currently my son is in our bed yelling about not going to bed. We just spent an hour in his room watching Frosty the Snowman (yes you read that right) It's his favorite movie ever... Tonight he told me he wanted to sleep in his own room. My heart was broken and relieved all at the same time... 
We have co-slept since he was a month old... Some are against it and I understand it and I never had plans to ever co-sleep but I know some of you understand me. I breastfed him for 15 months and I'm not gonna lie and say I've never been lazy but I'm a girl who likes her sleep and sometimes it just got easier to feed him to sleep and fall asleep myself. It turned into a habit that I will never take back because I love having him in our bed. I feel like I wont be able to sleep without him but if I could stand him being away from me, I would get so much more sleep. A lot of people don't understand this and say things to me like "he needs to be in his own bed" etc... First of all it's no ones business but my own but I'm such a pushover I just never say anything. I do get really bothered by comments on my parenting. Wondering if I'm doing this whole mom thing right. On the flip side, I hardly ever think I'm a bad mom and I'm pretty proud of that. A lot of moms get anxiety thinking they're bad moms... I have tons of anxiety but I also know I'm doing the best and all that I can for my child but when someone says otherwise, my mind starts to wonder..... Some people don't understand anxiety and all that it entails and I don't expect them to because it's a very complicated thing. I won't get super personal but it has taken over my life for many many years. One simple comment can make my head go a million miles per hour and it's completely exhausting.
I totally did not mean for this post to end up this way... I was just planning on talking about my silly little lamp and my new salt lamp I got but when I get on here, I just let it all out. This is my escape and my way of getting my feelings out into the world. I'm sorry if this disappoints you but all of this goes with the post I promise!
I have ways of coping with anxiety and stress and one of those ways is to refurbish and refinish furniture... My mind can rest and my hands take over. And if I get really stressed, I'll re arrange my whole house front to back or SERIOUSLY ponder ripping out my bathroom floor, but any who.... This time I made a not so pretty lamp, kind of cute. It's a silly little lamp but I'm kind of in love. I have had this lamp since I was in college and it was silver with a brown shade. I have a serious love for gold as you know and lamps don't come cheap these days so I painted the base gold. The brown shade REALLY looked silly with the gold so I decided I would spray paint the shade.... Well that didn't work out as I thought it would as you can imagine. It was blotchy because it's a silky fabric shade. Also I ran out of white spray paint. As I was outside shaking the heck out of my empty spray paint can to get more out, I looked over and saw this wire lamp shade form on my front porch. I found it on the side of the road (surprise) and used it as a little planter last summer. I brought it in and popped it on my gold lamp base. I need to get a prettier bulb for it but for now, I kind of love it!.
I used some extra white yarn I had to tie it to the top of the lamp base and viola! Cute, eclectic, FREE lamp. I get anxious about a lot of things but my home and my son are both huge for me. I'm the most organized, unorganized person I know. I throw stuff in rooms and just shut the door, but then I go on tangents and organize everything from top to bottom. I go through phases. Please tell me I'm not alone. I wish with all my heart I could be this put together, organized, care free, awesome mom and wife but I'm trying to realize that isn't going to happen. God made me who I am and I need to embrace it. So all I can do is try my best in every aspect of my life.
My cousin Shannon is the perfect example of someone I wish I could be. I ran into her the other night at Target and she informed me of a baby goat they were bottle feeding. This goat is precious and sweet and lives in their house. Yes, lives in their house. The goat sits on her husbands lap and watches tv at night, eats and sleeps inside. Is practically potty trained because it hangs out with their dog and goes out when the dog goes out to potty... I was shocked when she told me but all I could do was laugh. This is totally her... Care free, hilarious, fun mom and wife who doesn't care what others think (although I don't think anyone would think she was anything but awesome). Her kids are going to remember these fun memories of a goat living in their house forever and tell their kids and grandkids. I just love it. I wish I could be more care free and have a goat living in my kitchen. I care WAAAAY too much about what others think and when some don't have a filter and make comments, does not help with that. But I'm working on it. To try and help myself calm down and not care so much, I didn't get a pet goat, I got into essential oils. They have helped a lot (ask my husband). I still have my days but for the most part I'm doing a lot better. I love using them when I come home to calm me down and in the morning to pep me up. Along with those oils came a Himalayan Salt Lamp (you can find mine HERE). I didn't exactly know what all it would do but I do feel more calm when I'm home and I've noticed I want to be here more. If my house was a mess before I would look for any reason to leave or get annoyed and frustrated. Now, even if there is a mess, I can still relax and feel comfortable here. Say it's not a big deal. More care free.
Long ago I used to not care about anything. I had fun all the time, I was loud, I thought all the time "well it won't kill me, lets do it!" but back then I had nothing to lose. Now I have a child, a husband, a house, a good job, a name for myself... I have tons to lose and I don't want to risk it. One little TINY thing could ruin my life. Thinking that way has put me into a state of mind where every little thing has consequences. Having a husband who is a Police Officer, I hear all the time about people ruining their entire lives over one stupid mistake. Not saying I do anything illegal or bad, but being anxious, everything is a hazard.
I hope you enjoyed this random rambling post of mine and if you're still reading, God bless you. I really got off on a couple different subjects that somehow go together. This doesn't typically happen but I just had to get some of my feels out. I'm not one to post to Facebook or tell people my issues so this is the best place for me to do it. I hope you enjoyed and maybe got something from this.... All my anxious people know, you're not alone! Get yourself something that will calm you down, make you realize life is too short and too full of good things to worry about the little things. I hope you all can be a little more care free and who knows, maybe one day you'll have a pet goat living in your kitchen.
Night friends!
Follow me everywhere!!!
